Scenes from a Marriage

On Friday night, about 5 minutes after I started hyperventilating about my possible miscarriage, my husband asked me:

"Have you seen my charger?''

Not even in a frenzy. Pretty calm, just like, oh yeah, you know, how's the weather? you're having a miscarriage, have you seen my charger because I need to fire off some really irrelevant emails at 11:30 on Friday night while you sit there googling: brown, spotting, miscarriage in every possible permutation.

So, I was, shall we say: Pissed. I might even have been so mad you could call it enraged. For the first time in my life, I came very close to hitting him and though I didn't, I think I probably could have forgiven myself if I had, given the circumstances.

It took him about three hours, but he started to realize the errors of his ways. I could see this because he actually apologized without my asking him too, when I had lost all words for how upset I was. By Sunday, he was so comfortable with himself and his collassal shitheadness that he was dropping it randomly into conversation whenever he could. "Where is my charger" will soon be household code for: I'm so not interested in whatever you're saying. I hope the next time one of us uses it, life won't be the subject of disinterest.

I didn't want to blog about this incident until we'd been to the sonogram. If there was a heartbeat, it would be a funny example of my hypochrondria and my husband's inner sense of total calm. If there was no heartbeat, it would be a tragic example of the lack of emotional connection between us.

There was a heartbeat.

As we walked away from the sonogram place, my husband said:

"Where's my charger?"

I said: "Man, did you get lucky."

"Yeah," he said. "I was going to say it was because you were crying wolf again, but actually I just wanted my charger. It was a dumb thing to say."

So, first on our marital development lists:

Husband: Develop a sensivity chip.

Self: Calm the phuck right down.

******

"Remember, what the midwife said? How you should give me a massage every day to help me with my back?"

"Remember, what the midwife said? How you should suck my d*ck every day? Oh no? Did you miss that part?"

What does it say about me that I'm very happy to be carrying his baby?